Generations lost.

6 09 2013

One of the few perks of military life is moving around and meeting new people. It can be hard on the heart, but it is nice to know eventually I will see some of my army sister spouses again. Over time, I have been blessed with some really awesome and supportive friends. There is a dark side to this though, one I think we need to discuss. A common theme among  many of my friends right is we are  all in some way estranged from our parents. This can be with a mother, a father or both. In my case, it is both. I often hear this is nothing new. “It is the new normal,” is the comment that follows next.  Pause for one moment and ponder that… This is a very scary thought. How does a generation of men and women grow into functioning members of society if they have no role models? Who do they look up to?  How do these same men and women raise children, who are also able function as contributing adults too? We have men and women who have never been taught the beauty of Mother Earth, the Spirit of Heavenly Father and the workings of everyday life. We have men, women and children that do not know the love of Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ. It has become such a problem, that we barely find strength in many family ties today. We see no bonding either. We see children clinging to items or idols; the wii, the ipad, their clothes, the shoes, their friends you get it.. everything but the right choices….  Mothers and Fathers  are more worried about getting food and paying the bills than being mindful of the precious gifts right in front of them; their own children.  Has someone set it up this way? Is there a higher power at work here?  We see governments attempting to take on roles that they were never meant to be a part of at all. For the sake of Liberty, they should never be allowed to venture into education, commerce, security and healthcare. Unfortunately, this is not the case today in our country, nor in the rest of the world. As a result, generations of families are lost.  Gangs are on the rise.  Drug use  is up. Prisons are growing more than we can handle; more than we can bear the cost.   It is hard to see it sometimes, or maybe we just do not want to see it all.  Maybe we are just sticking our heads in the sand, hoping it will go away. The knowledge we should be gleaning from generations of our elders should be priceless. Not something we need to turn away from and relearn.  It should be wanting and needing. Health eating ,healthy living,  how to honor our spouse, honor our children and how to have a relationship with Heavenly Father, knowing how to love one another as Jesus loves us, these  are the gifts we are not seeing in families. I vow to teach my children differently. I promised them and my husband that the abuse would end with my father and mother. It stopped in my generation. It has not been an easy walk. I am not perfect.  I had to learn how to effectively and positively communicate with His love guiding me.  I am afraid I have made some terrible mistakes in the past and I am certain I will make more in the future. I am not giving up though. Not in the least. Learning self-control and discipline are extremely challenging. We had a frank discussion tonight at the dinner table about those two very topics. We reviewed the definitions in the dictionary and then read a few verses in the bible about them as well.  In an attempt to teach them, I learned something tonight too. My boys were afraid of my temper sometimes. My boys are in Neurofeedback for their ADHD. This last month has been a challenge to say the least. You see as they become more “normal,” and we peel back the layers of their ADHD, we have to relearn social, emotional and relationship skills all over again and again.  tonight’s discussion was about their lack self-control and discipline. It was also about mine.   I was not surprised to hear my boys tell me that sometimes they are afraid of my temper.  It took a lot for my oldest to admit it. I was not upset about it either. Heavenly Father gave me this insight years ago as a way to get me into therapy.  In order to break the cycle, I needed to learn how to manage my triggers. I have been working so hard over the years in therapy and in Neurofeedback myself, I figured every thing was all right. I missed the fact I was scaring them.  Not all the time, but sometimes.  What surprised me the most were  the Holy Spirits words that ran through my head immediately thereafter.  “As Heavenly Father allows us grace every day, we need to show that to others, and ourselves. ” My husband even model this very sentence the moment after. Humbled, I apologized for making them fearful. I never wanted that at all.  I learned a few things in those moments. I learned how much I need to calm and center myself not for me, but for them too. To show my passionate son how people like us can work out these big emotions constructively. I learned how precious the gift of open conversation can be with your friend, but how much more precious it is with my own child. My sons trusts me enough to talk to me. No matter how much it may hurt my feelings, he loves me enough to open up. To see the tears in my husband eyes as he recited  a few verses in Hebrews was priceless. He saw how painful 4 deployments have been on the children and  I; how blessed we are as a family to still be together. He talked about how much we have gone through as an army family and how that struggle has made us stronger. To see the love in his eyes was wonderful too.  All I want is my children to do it better. To love Heavenly Father with all their hearts, and be a better parent than I ever will be. The grace I show them, the grace they show me, is the transcended gift from Heavenly Father. It is a blessing! So here is my prayer tonight. Help me Heavenly Father with grace. Help me love my children as I have never been loved and help them love in a manner that they will not be a generation lost. ~m

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