Know thyself…..

” The unexamined life is not worth living” Socrates

No question here, for those that follow Heavenly Father, He is a distinct individual. His distinctiveness is shown throughout the whole bible in the form of what he abhors (sin) and what he finds good (love). He sets himself apart from us through his distinctiveness. As we become closer to him, though prayer and time with His Holy Spirit, we develop our own distinctiveness but with His worldview.

The defining of himself, is how he sets boundaries.  He is the example. As we walk this journey with him, we learn through Him the importance of defining our own distinctiveness.

Distinctiveness. Boundaries. Knowing thyself.

So what do I really know about me?  What have I taken the time to ponder and reflect on about me?

Have I engaged myself and examined my behavior? Do we as individuals take the time to do this any more?

Ponder. Contemplate. Think……

At this point in my life, I learned a few things.

I place a high value on communication in my relationships.

For years, my thoughts and ideas were synonymous with my parents.  In order to survive my house, they had to be. I had no idea of  “self” but through them. Research shows that children of abusive parents barely have any idea what boundaries are because those parents never knew them or taught them.  Those same children have a hard time also expressing an independent thought. Experiencing a double edge sword; they have no idea how to positively, effectively communicate in the midst of being unable to set up their own boundaries.

Through recent experiences, I learned people who have a difficult time communicating and placing the art of  it on a low list of  priorities are not people I wish to engage.  Harsh. Yes. But, relationships are built and strengthened with shared experiences. Just like our relationship with Him is through prayer and shared Holy moments. The Holy Spirit does not live in church alone. He is everywhere.  Taking the time to dwell with our friends bonds us together whether it is positive or negative. We need people to walk the trenches with us. We need others to teach us. How else do we see Heavenly Father? Communication goes a long way in creating boundaries and setting limits. Communication teaches us. Molds us. Defines us. Gives us Distinction.

Conflict avoidance is not a part of my genetic makeup.

This goes hand in hand with communication. People have come and gone in my life who avoid their responsibility in conflict resolution.  It is a part of my genetic markup to resolve conflict. Ask Heavenly Father. It is in His book!

Conflict is a part of every day life. We are all different and will inevitably have conflict that needs resolving. Avoiding it, hurts all parties involved and goes against the very nature of Heavenly Father.  It is His wish and desire that we embrace our differences, get in the trenches and work out our conflicts. We do have them  even with Him!!!

Have you ever prayed in earnest for something and heard, “No.” ?

 

Heavenly Father gave us a plan  for conflict resolution (MATT 18:15-20).  As we been a knee and pray each day, we are expected to take the time to discuss (with Love and Truth) any concerns we have with our brother or sister in Christ. Typically those that avoid conflict in one area of their lives, avoid it in all areas.

Sit back and observe those that do……

You can see conflict avoidance in the parent /child relationship, with their spouse and in their work environment. Not in my house. Not with my spouse. Not with my children. Not with my family.

This is another boundary for our family and my friendships. If we befriend someone who has a hard time telling their children no, we will not continue that friendship. “No”, sets limits. Heavenly Father sets limits. MATT 5:37 states,”Let your Yes be Yes and let your No be No; Anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” Set limits. Say No.  

Honest Vulnerability entangled in Loving truth.

Honesty. Vulnerability. Loving Truth. Each one has its own distinctive quality. Honesty is synonymous with morality, integrity and righteousness. Heavenly Father loves us and allows us the opportunity to repent of our sins and seek forgiveness. He allows others the same. He is honest with us as we embrace His Holy Spirit. He honestly deals with our transgressions whether we are ready to hear it or not. Is this not what friendships should do too?

Vulnerability refers to a child like faith. It says, ” I will allow you to hurt me, to show you His light.” Take a leap of faith with someone.

Loving Truth gives us the tool to say. ” I love you but this behavior is not acceptable for our family/ for our friendship/ for my work environment.”  Be loving in your truth,  no matter what it entails.  Be receptive to the words from Him whether from him or through others. Be willing to teach and  to be will to be taught. This is the foundation for boundaries.

Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. Define yourself though His Spirit and Word.  Take a leap of faith.  Learn about you, through Him. Allow others to help you learn. Be receptive. 

Know thyself…...

These are things I have learned about me. The execution is not always glamorous, but growth inevitably occurs.

What have you learned about you?

Blessings,

~m

 

 

30 Day Challenge

We are back here again. Sighs…

Glued to the Television. Sickness claimed our lives for a few weeks, and as usual we became accustomed to sitting in front of the Tele- wasting time. No more. No more!!!

We are over all the sickness now. We should be able to get right off the couch and carry on, but it is never that easy.  We all have some form of ADHD in our house and TV is ADDICTING!! When we are done with our daily routine of schools work and chores the first thing we want to do plop and play! No more! NO MORE!

I played with this idea a few years ago when we started homeschooling. I actually took the TV to Goodwill and gave it away. My children were traumatized and crying as the volunteer timidly backed away from the rear of the car. I felt like a horrible mother.   Things will be a bit different this time.  I don’t feel horrible. I won’t be giving this one away. We are going to leave it right in front of us. We are going to break this habit and find some more positives ones, like reading, playing games and getting outside. There are just too many other things we would be doing instead of sitting in front of a box watching other people’s lives go by; fictitious people at that.

I am the first to admit I have very little discipline, especially in regard to this particular vice. Most of this is about me, but some of  it is also about teaching my children how to discipline themselves. If my hubby and I don’t model how to do this, who will teach them? I want them to be able to recognize when they need to pull back if they are too involved in an activity.  I want them to not only recognize they need to limit themselves but I want them to have the confidence to do it as well.

Panic. Deep breath.

Anxiety is starting to creep in. I feel pretty jittery just thinking about cutting the cord to the TV.  I love my Downton Abby, Once Upon a Time, Modern Family and Supernatural. I have watched Law & Order SUV for 15 years too.  Deep Breath.  I can do this… I CAN DO THIS! I can show them that it does not need to run their lives!!!

I am not sure they will get all that from one 30 day challenge, but I am going to try. After all Rome wasn’t built-in a day and neither are life lessons.

~m

 

Confessions of a narcissist.

Redemption comes in the most unlikely of places.  Mine came by way of my three children  Shane, Larkin, and Darbylynne. I met the man of my dreams, almost lost him, and then found Heavenly Father. Through that journey, I learned that being a mother is one of life’s richest blessings, not a curse or a bother.  To my horror, I learned I was exhibiting some narcissistic traits, just like my parents. My children saved me from a life of heartache.  They are my redemption.

Narcissim. One of the most painful personality disorders to be exposed to as a child, can be hard to crawl out of as an adult.  After all, your most import relationships after birth are with your parents.  But what do you do when both your parents are narcissists? Head into counseling and give it time. Pray for your heart to forgive and allow the feelings you work through the validation they need to heal.

My children inspired me to change. They taught me a different way to exist.

Before you can heal, you need to know what exactly you are dealing with. You need to understand it and how to combat it.

Want a really good idea of how a narcissist behaves, research it on these two websites:

http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com

http://www.outofthefog.net/index.html

Combat it with this book:

 

If your feeling adventurous, buy  the work book. This is not for the faint hearted. Be ready to do some serious soul-searching.

 

After reading these websites, I mourned my childhood. For three days, I  was depressed and in shock.   I cried. I wept.  I changed.

For the first time in years, my husband and I  had an honest and loving conversation about all the things I experienced growing up. For the first time, we discussed some concerns we both had about my behavior. In this heart-wrenching conversation, I realized how selfish I was with my time, my energy and my love. A rude awakening indeed, but growth is never ever easy.

I morphed into something much better though; despite the hurt feelings and difficult conversation that was needed. I was allowed the freedom to express my anger and hurt and so was he. My best friend comforted me as well. I no longer owned the hurt child from long ago. I broke free from those chains. She still exists but she is free from the bondage of them. Free to feel loved and free to authentically love others.  I could not have done it with out her either.

I had no boundaries what so ever, which of course is one of the biggest signs of adults who have been abused. Children of these parents never learn any boundaries. Everything they do is an extension of their parents.  Every failure, every success, nothing in our skin belongs to us. I saw things in other friendships that I had to fix too, instead of fixing myself. Classic-denial. Critical in every fashion, controlling in every venue too. Two character traits I owned.   I used my happiness with them as a barometer of how much I loved them…..Exactly what a supportive, loving parent should never do to their children!  I cringe when I think back at my early days of motherhood. It took the love of a man and the courage from my Heavenly Father for me to really see what was going on in our house.

Never again. It stops with me. These were the words I spoke to myself when I was growing up. These were the words the dictated my life.

Therapy took on a new direction. Now I had to rewrite the tapes inside my head. Now I had to tweak me!

 

Shane, Larkin and Darbylynne are worth every bit of my energy and time. They are worth every moment in therapy. They are worth every extra effort I need to make, because they were the gifts given to me by my Heavenly Father. I will be held accountable as to their treatment when I look St. Peter in the eye upon my death. How can I do anything less than change the things that hurt and damaged me? If I don’t, they could to hurt and damage them!  Children inherently require time and diligence, because they are  so needy! They are too young to navigate the world without our assistance. They need our gentle, loving hand for guidance. They need us to point the way to our Heavenly Father. At some point, they will require our love and reassurance as they step out into the brave new world laid out before them. How do they do this with selfish, controlling, manipulative parents? How do they do this when they have parents who have never healed or dealt with their issues?  They can’t. It is that simple. They won’t succeed in pretty much anything either. Children of narcissist parents typically don’t even realize how much they are lacking in boundaries, social skills, healthy relationships, and genuine love. Some never have a clue as to why life is so hard and so demanding. Some stay stuck in their own private hell, wondering if they can ever get off the abusive train of narcism. They are conditioned to think they are crazy and they wonder if everyone that comes into their lives will be just as cruel as their parents.  I know this. I lived it daily.

Most victims are unable to recognize the abusive tendencies of this mental disorder, let alone in their own parents.They also fail to see how this mental disorder breeds more narcissistic people, including themselves. They also can’t seem to get away from these people either. Why?  Because those who are victims of narcism are marked. Combine that with lack of knowledge of narcism and it is perfect-storm.  Narcissistic personalities, by their very nature, can spot a person who fits their victim profile.  I know this first hand. When I finally understood what narcissism was and how it affected my life, I quickly said no to those type of people.  I learned boundaries.  For a narcissistic personality, it is all about manipulating another human being, getting ahead, serving the self.  It is about control.

Words are powerful weapons for these types of people. They tweak them and change them to fit their agenda. But there is hope. One extremely powerful word stops it all! You have this word in your arsenal!

No!

Learn to use it. Breath it in and just say it.

No!

This is the best weapon.  Learn to place boundaries up, not just for you, but for your loved ones too.  I take it as a personal challenge to teach my children boundaries now.  They are learning what healthy relationships look like and they are learning how to combat unhealthy ones as well. If I don’t teach them, who will?

No longer will I take the burden of my parents and carry it as my own. No longer will I be the all-encompassing person to make them happy. They have their crosses to bear as I have mine. I have three beautiful children. I refuse to squander this opportunity with them to enable either of them to not grow up and learn from their mistakes. Life is too short. I have learned from my mistakes, I have owned them  and it is time they owned them too.

Redemption; it is found in the most unlikely of places. My children saved me from my parents. My children saved me from myself. My children showed me how save them.

Thanks be to God!

 

~m

Dedicated to Larr. Thanks for the kick in the butt!

 

Columbia: Our home.

We love the military life.  One of the downfalls of this lifestyle the moving.  PCSing, which is short for Permanent Change of Station, brings about many challenges.  So often we find ourselves alone in our new surroundings because we move all over the world.  Family is typically too far to help and it is in our best interest to make friends quickly.  Friendships usually come last because we are so busy.  I know many families come and go to Fort Jackson so I thought I would help out a bit by sharing some of the places we have utilized at one time or another.  Maybe this will help you explore the area we currently call home. Here are my top 5.

1.) The all important Hair cut.  I know you are itching to get one too. I bet you have not had one since your last duty station either.   I bet you are ready to cut it yourself!  DON’T DO IT!  The list of what we have to do is HUGE when we move.  I know you have been busy girlfriend.  I know how you feel…… So here is a big heads up!  Go see Chrissy Lupina at Salon Bella.  It is right outside the main gate on Forest Drive; 10 minutes on a bad day of traffic.  Seven years ago, another military spouse passed her name along and I have not looked back since!  I know a hairstylist is an extremely personal thing.  I know we have all kinds of crazy emotions when it comes to a stylist.  Chrissy will not only give a 20% discount for being military, she will also not do anything crazy unless you tell her to.  She is cautious and a great girl to talk to.  Her daughter works there too and if you want wild and crazy hair… like my daughter.. she will help with something crazy!  Remember the movie Steel Magnolias?  Well stepping into her parlor with all the ladies feels a bit like that.  She loves you, dotes on you, and if you need to bring your kids, she will gladly allow them in the salon!  Can I get an amen?!?

My hubby was deployed twice in between assignments at Jackson and we home school as well.  So when I  head to the salon, my whole crew comes in tow. Debbie also trims eyebrows and other things. I like her tool! Enjoy!!

Here is Link to her website: http://salonbellasalon.com

2.) Dentists.  Not our favorite place to go, but a necessity nonetheless.  We always have trouble finding a good one when we move.  So I have two recommendations for you.  One for the children, and one for you. Forest Drive Dental, who is our new dentist for our kids, can do both mom and kids if you prefer.  Dr. Dover is once again located right outside the main gate down Forest Drive, located directly across from Shandon Baptist Church, so you can check that out too.  Many people are patients of a few of the larger dentists in the area  and we have tried some of them.  Not only is Dr. Drover cheaper than many others, but she does believe in utilizing alternate therapies.  My younger son Larkin needed 10 cavities filled and it cost me about $250 less than any other dentist.  She also did not do the 3 “recommended” root canals on baby teeth!  Dr. Staci Gaffos is another great dentist located of I-77 and Two Notch Road.  I prefer him because of his patient staff.  They are willing to jump through the hoops I needed in order to get my bit splints.  I grind my teeth and they help with that process.  Tricare will pay for them, you just have to know the process and have people dedicated to make that happen.  He does!  His number is 803-788-360. Call an make an appointment today.

 

3.) Therapy.  With the state of our military and the expectations as well as burdens placed on families, this is a must.  Lake Psychological Services is just another hop, skip, and jump out of the main gate again..  Take I-77 to Two Notch, which is the gateway to the North east of Columbia.  It is a half mile off the freeway.  If you are having problems in your marriage, this is a way you can get your spouse in without their command knowing.  Take them into the session with you.  She also runs a Bioneurofeedback clinic.  It is an alternative therapy to medicine for depression, mild autism, ADHD, epilepsy and anxiety.  The Neurofeedback clinic is not covered under Tricare, but it is worth every bit of the out-of-pocket expense.  Coupled with talk therapy, which is covered under Tricare, great strides can be made in these treatments.  I am living proof of its benefits as are both of my boys. There are plenty of therapists in her office besides Dr. Lake.  My hubby, who is the active duty spouse, has seen Wendy Davis as well.  They also have a psychiatrist on staff.  Many a military spouse have received help from this office.  I have yet to hear anything negative.  Call Sam, who is the office manager, he will walk you through the authorization process.

The link to their office is as follows: http:://lakepsych.com

 

4.) Chances are if you are heading to a therapy office, you should pop in the EFMP office on Fort Jackson too.  It is located right off Strom Thurman Boulevard on post.  Mrs. Cheryl Jackson is a godsend.  In charge of the Exceptional Family Member Program, she will do every thing in her power to obtain the services you need for yourself and/or your family members.  My family and I have benefited immensely from the love of her and her supporting staff.  Go to the Fort Jackson main website page and scroll on the tab marked Garrison, then scroll on the “Exceptional Family Member” link.  Once you get there, they will have a EFMP resource link on the left corner.  In the guide contains links to all the support organizations in Columbia.  The EFMP Resource guide was the brain child of another former military spouse.  She understood what it was like to move from installation to installation and not have any idea what was offered in lieu of support services for families with special needs.

Here is the Fort Jackson website: http:://fortjacksonmwr.com

 

5.) This last little tidbit is for those who have little ones at home.  Head over to Northeast United Methodist Church in north-east Columbia.   The drive will take about 20 minutes from Fort Jackson.  One of our ministries of our home church is a military MOPS chapter that meets twice a month.  Mothers of Preschoolers is a national support group for mothers with young ones.  Grab your little ones and head on over.  There is a large group of military spouses there willing to guide you in pretty much any aspect of motherhood.  Plus you get two hours of alone time from the kiddos!  The other two weeks a month the church has a mother focused bible study.  There is child care for this as well; it is the same day and time as MOPS (just the alternating weeks).  Lastly, on the first Friday of each month (during school months), the church has a First Friday movie night for kids.  It is two hours alone with hubby, or by yourself too.  The cost $2 per child with a $5 family cap.  Head right down the road to Sandhills Mall and enjoy some window shopping, desert or even a quick dinner.

Here is the link to the churches website: http:://www.neumc.com

Get your engines started and enjoy exploring Columbia. There are a few other aspects I will be writing about additionally in some following blogs. Public schooling, private schooling and homeschooling are big concerns for military families.  Many families in the military prefer to home school and I will discuss that too. Many businesses offer discounts to military families and I can let you know what we have found. Churches will be the next focus. Columbia has pretty much any denomination for being a small southern city.

Blessings!

Michele

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For whom do I speak?

Matthew 10:20

For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.

I have messed things up. I have hurt people’s feelings. I have spoken with my heart though and relationships are messy. I have loved others as I am called to, even when it makes no sense for the outside looking in. I have made mistakes. I am a sinner.

Living transparently with His guidance is tough. It is not cut out for the faint hearted. But nothing ever worth its salt is ever easy and if we rely on Him He will get us through it. He says so in Psalms 91.

Unfortunately, too many of us hide behind our fears. Heavenly Father wants us to speak and act boldly. He encourages us to follow Him even when it makes no sense, He expects us to act even when we are overwhelmed and not at the top of our game. Sometimes people and their issues happen to get in the way, because relationships are messy!

I have been afraid to blog because of my fear of what others may think. This was a very difficult hurdle for me to cross over, let alone to admit too. To you my dear reader, I owe you an apology. To my Heavenly Father, I ask for forgiveness from straying from the path He placed before . I had a fearful heart. I was afraid to execute. I ask for His and your grace.

You see this past few years,I gave myself so completely and thoroughly to what my Heavenly Father called me to do.. I forgot that an attack from the other side was emmnant; attacked I was too.

One of the things that hinders my journey is my lack of knowledge on how to have healthy relationships. The mistakes I made caught up with during my time of focus hurt my relationships after. My other hindrance, which is low self esteem, was hijacked by the other side on top of that. So I kept hearing accusations whenever I returned to our current church. I kept feeling shame. Other peoples actions just magnified this situation. The other side used this to keep my relationship with Heavenly Father in a state of fear. I was unable to focus on my task at hand because of the noise I was hearing at church. The other side used my unhealthy relationships to make me feel even more unloved, unimportant and unwelcome at a place I used to love and cherish. For a child of narcissistic parents, this state of mind created another level of heartache. Whenever things fail in my life, I go to place where it is always my fault. This is how I was trained. There was never forgiveness from either my parents. It was all about them.

My relationships at church suffered also because of others humanness. The blockades to heavenly father continued to grow. It was just a matter of time before I stopped attending. Many other things played a part in this decision too, but coming out of it, I realize how beautiful my current friendship are now. They are transparent friendships, which led to spiritual growth and also emotional growth. Authenticity leads to transparency and many people today can’t handle authentic, transparent Godly relationships. Stepping away from some unhealthy ones, lead me to develop healthy relationships with boundaries for the very first time!

I have been told what we do in our family is not christian, it is Wiccan. I have been told I am too passionate. I have been told I am too pushy. I have been told that I may not be at the right church by one of our own pastors as well. People I once respected hurt my heart more than I could adequately describe. But I see now, this was not just about me, but also others.

For someone with my family history , these things ate at the very essence of my soul. My shame for the woman I became at this point was doubled while my husband was gone. But I pressed on.

My Native American heritage is mostly unknown to me. But what I do know and practice could be nothing further from anything dark. I know my heart for The Lord is beautiful and radiates. I am His to command. For the first time ever, albeit small, I understand what it like to be discriminated against for my heritage.

Two years was the length of time it took to come to terms with this situation.
Two years but worth every minute.

What I learned from all of this is walk strongly and boldly for Heavenly Father. Transparency, authenticity are the fruits of the spirit we are to share with one another no matter what the rest of the world does. There will be times when you are misunderstood. There will be people who will judge you. Despite your best efforts to be a follower of the great white spirit someone will always judge you. It will hurt. It may tear your soul up for a time too. Don’t give up though. He will be with you and He will love you despite your fears. Remember too that those in church with you are sinners as well. Otherwise they would not be there.

My prayer for you is walk, speak and act boldly every day for Him!

Blessings,
m

Streakin Shearins

We are so hung up on clothes.  I am raising my children to be nudists.  Just ask my neighbors and my friends.  We bare all as a family.

Jeff had to of known something like this was coming.  It has always been hard for my army man to let go; to just fly like the wind. Raised Baptist, I have floored him a time or two during our relationship. The first time this happened was when he slept over. Yes we were one of those couples that slept in a bed and  did not have sex. My guy is just not that way…now  me on the other hand…..well….let’s just say I am well versed in sexual gratification. I digress  though, as that is a topic for another day.

We were studying late one night and he slept over. Well for those of you that do not know me, I am an exhibitionist and I prefer to sleep naked. Always have and always will. The red on Jeff’s face when I disrobed to sleep that night was well priceless!

Flash forward to a few years, with 3 beautiful children, and he is presented with an amazing opportunity again to be free. Who would have thought his wife would dare him the ultimate dare?  All three children love  the opportunity to be naked… yup… I have had enough time alone with my babies to encourage them to be as free as I am.. My hubby has been deployed 4 times, what else could I have done?  I implement my grand vision. I want to take the world over one nudist at a time!

So, he came home from Kuwait and we went to Beaufort, SC. We rented a house in St Helena. Located on the most serene, private part of the marsh, how could I resist? We both just woke up. The kids were fixing breakfast when I did it. I dared him to run around the house (outside) naked!  He gave me that “your crazy ” look. He hemmed and hawed. All the while, I egged him on. I mean I lived with this man for 14 years. I know what buttons to push!  The next thing I know, all three children were racing around and around the house; butt-naked.  After that first day, it became a daily activity after breakfast. The Shearin Streakers were born!  My children even tried to see who could run the most laps around the house!  Crazy, I know!

So what is the purpose of the story? Why expose the Shearin Secret Society?

These past few months, I have been evaluating my relationships. Many thing ran through my head just like a ticker.  Was I being the best friend I could be for each of my friends?  Was I honest in a loving way, a manner worthy of Him? Did I owe some friends an apology for some hurt feelings?  Did I need to better  myself in any way?  As I rolled these questions around in my brain, I kept coming back to two words; vulnerability and transparency.   How did these words play into my friendships………Was I vulnerable enough and transparent enough  with my friends, in  manner Heavenly Father would find worthy? I prayed and realized I needed to grow a bit more. I realized I was not.

Heavenly Father expects us to be our most honest and most transparent selves with our family and friends. He expects this in all of our relationships.  He wants us to lean on Him for direction, and comfort, but He requires we be active participants in all of our relationships. We grow  from every interaction within these relationships too.  We learn what personalities we can handle in our lives, while we figure out our strengths and weaknesses.  We learn our boundaries through a foundation of HIM.  We bring glory to Him when we are not only transparent with HIM in our prayers, but in our relationships with others.  Of course, we will run into some problems. We are humans and deal with humans.  Nobody said it would be easy to be vulnerable or transparent. In order to be Light in the darkness, we need to expose our selves. We need to open up our hearts to others and become vulnerable.  In order for the Light to emanate from us, we need to be transparent, just like all of us running around naked in Beaufort, SC.   Mind you, I am not encouraging you run around naked at this point in your neighborhood. I am just asking you to consider stepping outside your comfort zone with Heavenly Father at the Helm. Allow yourself to vulnerable and transparent in your relationships. He will do amazing things with you, I promise!

blessings,

m

A light in the Darkness.

Whenever we pray, these are some of the most important words we use in our family.  They are very powerful words. Heavenly Father equips us with the ability to be a Light in the darkness; the choice is ours. Those are hard words to live up too. Let’s take it a step further. Let’s add a bible verse.

1 John 7 :But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.

For an entire year I heard ,”Walk in the Light as He is in the Light.” One of the gifts Heavenly Father has honored me with is the spiritual gift of discernment. For many years though, I did not know this was a gift.  It felt like a curse. To be able to know something about a person, place or event before it unfolds, to know whether or not a person is not of the Light (generally good); was how It rolled.   It started at age 7. But what Heavenly Father grants and inspires, the other side tries desperately tries to pervert. The main objective of the darkness is to pervert the Light. It is a never-ending battle. Oh I know, many of you do not want to talk about spiritual warfare. Well to bad. Were discussing it today boys and girls!

For many years, I was scared of it.  All I could see was the evil in this world. I was able to discern demons and Heavenly Fathers Angels. Yes, you read that correctly. I see things.  To coin a phrase, I see dead people.  Yes, I know that is a scary as I still live it daily!  There are spirits though  that still choose to walk this earth because of their unfinished business.  These spirits do not believe they deserve to walk in the Light with Heavenly Father.  Talk about a freaky gift! I bet you are wanting to sign up for this one too huh?

When all you see is the darkness, you tend to get a wee bit freaked out and not recognize the Light; especially when it is right in front of you.   The other side keeps the focus on the scary stuff rather than the beautiful moments. This is why so many people with this gift tend to think they are crazy, and go crazy too. Who ever wants to admit that they see things? I mean it is a one way trip to a cushy padded cell. We all know this…..

For years I wondered what is the purpose of my gift?  It has taken me years to figure that out… and it may not be the same for you, but here it goes.

It is to educate…..

We are all the salt of the earth. We have a responsibility to share our gifts as they are God ordained.  The enemy wants to place obstacles, people, and problems in our path to keep us from sharing Heavenly Fathers Light. The enemy wants to keep Love out of this world. The enemy’s sole mission is  to keep you from loving Heavenly Father.  Heavenly Fathers objective is to remind satan,  repeatedly,  that His imperfect children (us) are here to spread His love. He gave Lucifer, his top angel, everything. He gave him so much that Lucifer coveted Heavenly Fathers throne. He coveted it so much,  Lucifer was thrown out of Heaven and the battle between good and evil has waged on ever since. So what does that have to do with you and I? We are soldiers in this battle. We have the gift of free will. We continually choose which side to serve in our daily walk with Heavenly Father.

To be quite frank, the other side would love nothing more than to keep you afraid. Fear is one of the greatest tools of the enemy.  Think of all the things you fear…..Think of all the things you have never done because of it! The Light is love. Pure and simple. There is no fear in love. It is just love.  Every action you complete here  and now has a spiritual effect in this world. We are spiritual beings in a human existence.

Think about that… we are spiritual beings in a human existence. We were meant to be with Heavenly Father. We started out in the garden, we chose to fall.

Consider this as well.

The further you walk away from Heavenly Father, spiritually speaking, the easier it is to keep you away from the Light of Him.

This verse in 1 John does not talk about what others need to do. It is not telling you to point your finger at those around you or those you love. It reminds us, when you point your finger at someone else,  you need to consider those three fingers that are pointing right back into your hand.  YES, that is right! You need to consider those three fingers pointing back in YOUR HAND!

They are  pointing to you my friend.   Our walk with Heavenly Father is a journey with Him. Go ahead….. You can do it! take your hand and point it at something right now…..

Point that finger. I DARE you!

See those three fingers pointing right back at you?

I love this analogy. It came to me the other day during a pretty emotional time…The picture of a pointing finger, with three fingers pointing right back!. It is so subtle. So very subtle…… Those three fingers remind us of  Heavenly Father, His Son and His Holy Spirit. It takes a belief in all three of them to walk in the Light. It takes a submissive heart for Him,  a prayer life with Him, a discernment for the Holy Spirit, a belief in the sacrifice of the Son, for your walk to truly be a Light in the darkness. Your worship, your faith requires you to actively seek Him. We are not passengers in the boat of life. We are active paddlers; sometimes daily, sometimes moment by moment. Where we go on our journey depends on where Heavenly Father decides he needs us.

These past two weeks have been extremely difficult emotionally.  I did not realize the significance of all this finger-pointing until  I spent another good hour in the shower crying. I have finally forgiven my mother. I lived a very fearful childhood. My step father was physically and emotionally abusive growing up. I lived with a bully. The two most important relationships in any persons life,  our mother and father, were wrought with fear, anxiety and  abuse. To forgive my step father was easy compared to my mother. She watched, she observed, she stood by and did nothing. It became much harder to forgive her when I started homeschooling too.

So I sat in that shower for most of the week. I cried alone. I cried with my children. I cried with my best friend, my hubby. I talked with several of my dear friends as well. It was a long week to say the least. This last time in the shower crying was different though. I was in complete darkness. Holding myself closely, I felt a desire to open my eyes and look around.  I was emotionally exhausted. My head was in so much pain. That moment sucked!   As I opened my eyes though, I noticed the bracelet on my wrist. How could I not?  It glowed in the dark.

I flood of relief washed over me. How BEAUTIFUL!

The visual of the glow in the dark bracelet on my wrist made me cry even more.  This was a the visual reminder i needed right then.  Heavenly Father showed me I was not alone. He was with me even at a time was at my lowest and I felt hopeless. He was the Light in the Darkness! This small token of love from a dear friend’s son, healed my aching heart.

In this moment, a wave of forgiveness cleansed my heart.   Forgiveness is not about pointing a finger at someone. It is about pointing the finger and realizing the three fingers pointing right back at you. It as about being a Light in the Darkness as he command s in 1 John 7.  I was able to forgive my mother and my father. I was able to see that forgiving my mother enabled me to move on with my life and be the blessing I was meant to be for my husband, children and friends. So I challenge you to  point your finger and be a Light in the darkness today. Love someone you think you can’t. Love someone who may not deserve it. You will be a better person because of it. I promise.

Blessings,

~michele

Generations lost.

One of the few perks of military life is moving around and meeting new people. It can be hard on the heart, but it is nice to know eventually I will see some of my army sister spouses again. Over time, I have been blessed with some really awesome and supportive friends. There is a dark side to this though, one I think we need to discuss. A common theme among  many of my friends right is we are  all in some way estranged from our parents. This can be with a mother, a father or both. In my case, it is both. I often hear this is nothing new. “It is the new normal,” is the comment that follows next.  Pause for one moment and ponder that… This is a very scary thought. How does a generation of men and women grow into functioning members of society if they have no role models? Who do they look up to?  How do these same men and women raise children, who are also able function as contributing adults too? We have men and women who have never been taught the beauty of Mother Earth, the Spirit of Heavenly Father and the workings of everyday life. We have men, women and children that do not know the love of Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ. It has become such a problem, that we barely find strength in many family ties today. We see no bonding either. We see children clinging to items or idols; the wii, the ipad, their clothes, the shoes, their friends you get it.. everything but the right choices….  Mothers and Fathers  are more worried about getting food and paying the bills than being mindful of the precious gifts right in front of them; their own children.  Has someone set it up this way? Is there a higher power at work here?  We see governments attempting to take on roles that they were never meant to be a part of at all. For the sake of Liberty, they should never be allowed to venture into education, commerce, security and healthcare. Unfortunately, this is not the case today in our country, nor in the rest of the world. As a result, generations of families are lost.  Gangs are on the rise.  Drug use  is up. Prisons are growing more than we can handle; more than we can bear the cost.   It is hard to see it sometimes, or maybe we just do not want to see it all.  Maybe we are just sticking our heads in the sand, hoping it will go away. The knowledge we should be gleaning from generations of our elders should be priceless. Not something we need to turn away from and relearn.  It should be wanting and needing. Health eating ,healthy living,  how to honor our spouse, honor our children and how to have a relationship with Heavenly Father, knowing how to love one another as Jesus loves us, these  are the gifts we are not seeing in families. I vow to teach my children differently. I promised them and my husband that the abuse would end with my father and mother. It stopped in my generation. It has not been an easy walk. I am not perfect.  I had to learn how to effectively and positively communicate with His love guiding me.  I am afraid I have made some terrible mistakes in the past and I am certain I will make more in the future. I am not giving up though. Not in the least. Learning self-control and discipline are extremely challenging. We had a frank discussion tonight at the dinner table about those two very topics. We reviewed the definitions in the dictionary and then read a few verses in the bible about them as well.  In an attempt to teach them, I learned something tonight too. My boys were afraid of my temper sometimes. My boys are in Neurofeedback for their ADHD. This last month has been a challenge to say the least. You see as they become more “normal,” and we peel back the layers of their ADHD, we have to relearn social, emotional and relationship skills all over again and again.  tonight’s discussion was about their lack self-control and discipline. It was also about mine.   I was not surprised to hear my boys tell me that sometimes they are afraid of my temper.  It took a lot for my oldest to admit it. I was not upset about it either. Heavenly Father gave me this insight years ago as a way to get me into therapy.  In order to break the cycle, I needed to learn how to manage my triggers. I have been working so hard over the years in therapy and in Neurofeedback myself, I figured every thing was all right. I missed the fact I was scaring them.  Not all the time, but sometimes.  What surprised me the most were  the Holy Spirits words that ran through my head immediately thereafter.  “As Heavenly Father allows us grace every day, we need to show that to others, and ourselves. ” My husband even model this very sentence the moment after. Humbled, I apologized for making them fearful. I never wanted that at all.  I learned a few things in those moments. I learned how much I need to calm and center myself not for me, but for them too. To show my passionate son how people like us can work out these big emotions constructively. I learned how precious the gift of open conversation can be with your friend, but how much more precious it is with my own child. My sons trusts me enough to talk to me. No matter how much it may hurt my feelings, he loves me enough to open up. To see the tears in my husband eyes as he recited  a few verses in Hebrews was priceless. He saw how painful 4 deployments have been on the children and  I; how blessed we are as a family to still be together. He talked about how much we have gone through as an army family and how that struggle has made us stronger. To see the love in his eyes was wonderful too.  All I want is my children to do it better. To love Heavenly Father with all their hearts, and be a better parent than I ever will be. The grace I show them, the grace they show me, is the transcended gift from Heavenly Father. It is a blessing! So here is my prayer tonight. Help me Heavenly Father with grace. Help me love my children as I have never been loved and help them love in a manner that they will not be a generation lost. ~m

The strength from within…

I met her almost a year and a half  ago. She came in like a blazing star and left the same way.  Her first MOPS meeting and she was so excited to be with other moms, instead of  being alone and feeling so isolated. I remember how that felt in our 2nd deployment.  The military can do that to you, especially when you live off post from an installation. It is hard to get up the desire and gumption sometimes to make a new friend. We move so often, the heart-strings hurt.. and we sometimes tend to allow the isolation get the better of us. But this is not about being isolated at all. This is about watching the Spirit of Heavenly Father work in one of His children, whether they knew it or not! Have you ever met someone who you just knew had a story? Well I remember when I first met her. I felt it in every ounce of my being. I could see the depression and the PTSD.  I have that gift;the gift of discernment. At times, I wish I did not. At times, I wish I could just make it go away. This time though it was for a very specific reason. It was to give me hope.

We all have a story. We all have a journey to participate in and a list of things we need to accomplish. We are given no template or no instructions at all. That is why we live in this plane; this is why it so hard because we have a choice on how to proceed in every aspect of our life. It is hard. It is supposed to be. In order to come to Him, it needs to be with our heart open. In The Simple Faith of Mr. Rogers, Amy Hollingsworth asks a very pointed question, “You know how you find somebody who you know is in touch with the truth, how you want to be in the presence of that person all of the time?” well this is the type of person I am talking about. This is my friend.

Regretfully, I did not heed Heavenly Fathers suggestion. I did not befriend her. I was in a very bad place myself and I was afraid I would not be able to help her. But, Heavenly Father always has a back up plan. She met a mutual friend of ours and the last year and half has been amazing!

I am a hard sell on a long-term friendship. Just look at those friends that have come and gone and you would be amazed at the length of that list. Admittedly, I have high expectation for my long-term friendships. I require a level of honesty that many people are just not comfortable with. I want my friends to look at me and say, ” Michele, I love you but……”. If they can’t do that, then I waste no time. Some of my short-term friends come out of listening to Him. He tells me what I need to do, in regards  to that friendship. But this young lady was different. I felt a long-lasting friendship and I was not ready yet. The fear of letting her down weighed on my heart so much. I knew she needed a good friend, I knew she needed Love and Hope in her life and I felt hopeless myself. How do you help someone when your cup is  all ready so empty? I felt vulnerable as well. My hubby and I were not doing well and I was in  graduate school. It  took so much of my time, I used excuses. Sad isn’t it?

So fast forward to the last month. I was taking my kids on a trip to Disney. Jeff being on his 4th deployment, I really did not want to take 3 kids alone. So what do I do? I get the bright idea to ask someone to go…I decide to ask my Facebook  friends. She replied. Nervousness set in. What if I let her down? What if she does not like me? Heavenly Father what if a say something and I make a mistake. But I ignored those fears. He gave me comfort and told me this would be good. So we made arrangements to go together; her two and my three. So here is the visual I need you to see: a mini van with a car top, one cranky middle-aged woman, one young full of energy new mommy, a 3 month old, an 18 month old a, 3.5 year old, an 8-year-old and a 10-year-old.. all driving to the happiest place on earth. Crazy! Little did I know!

It was not crazy though. Like myself, she is former military and married to a military man. Like myself, she is pretty easy-going. Most importantly , like myself she is human too! We farted, we burped, we cursed,  we laughed, we cried, we loved on our children, we met the princesses, we rode many roller-coasters and had a WONDERFUL time. We came home totally exhausted but we made it!

These were all byproducts of the week. The week was really about witnessing a change in my friend, who I now consider a sister. I saw a much stronger woman that week. One who took care of her children despite the anger hurt and resentment she kept deeply buried. I witness her hope for the first time since she came home from Iraq. I witnessed a transformation that humbled me wholeheartedly. I saw Hope radiate from every ounce of her body, mind and spirit! She tore off most of the shackles of a few war related experiences this past year; somethings no woman should ever experience no matter what side you are fighting for..  Hearing her say,” I felt special.” sent me over the falls in tears several nights after.  It still makes me shiver when I think of our time together. How wonderful and blessed I was to see the result of her hard work in therapy and with Heavenly Father.

It is possible to overcome any obstacle before us. She reminded me of that.  It takes time.  It take patience. It also takes work. Work in our relationships with Heavenly Father and with a few good friends.  I wish I had someone like her as my mother. Her two children are so very blessed to have such strong Godly woman being groomed for His glory! Her story inspired me. It showed me how Hope, Faith and Love are really all we need to make it here. Yes, the kids and I really needed this trip. But the purpose was not what I originally thought. It was to  remind me how blessed I am and how important it is for us to share our story. When we are relationships with others, we see His love. We see His grace and can really count the blessings we have to be grateful for. Thank you my friend. Thank you for sharing your story and your time with me.

I love you.

M